Monday, July 21, 2008 - 
Adoption,waiting
13 comments
Adoption,waiting
13 comments
July 21, 2005
I can remember screaming in the car when Mike said, "Let's do it." I remember feeling like the world was my best friend and it was working for me in such a positive way. I remember that the drive from that point on was SO LONG, I wanted so badly to get home and call every person I knew and check out all the agencies who worked with international adoption. I was so excited.
That weekend was bittersweet for me. The twins birthday celebration was wonderful. Spending time with my best friend was perfect. Being "home" was just what I needed. And of course holding two squirly one year olds was great for my baby desires, and it was the same for Mike as well. But the hard part of the weekend was finding out that my exhole and his wife were officially pregnant. No announcement had been made, but my bf (my ex's cousin) told me and wanted to make sure I was prepared for it when I got home and heard the news. I had to be excited for Jacob because he was going to be a big brother. Jacob was in HI at the time with his dad and family, celebrating.
To help keep my mind off the upcoming pregnancy and the excitement from my son, all of us went to Dland to be kids again. While there, Mike and I talked more about wanting kids, okay I mean I talked about wanting kids. Mike was still unsure at the time or probably was just processing how he was going to say "lets do it" to me on the way home 2 days later. We had passed the Build @ Bear place and I begged to go inside and spend the godawful amount to get one. I walked in wanting comfort.
I walked out with this little snuggly bear.
The during the ride home the bear was in my lap the whole time. I kept dreaming of making one for a baby I may never have. All during the beginning of the ride the topic of adoption was passed back and forth. Until finally "let's do it" came out. In the matter of minutes our bittersweet weekend had turned into a searing memory in our hearts. A moment of joy to last us until the end of this journey. In the three years since that day, we look back on it every year and remind ourselves of joy we felt in making that final decision. Let's do it.
That bear has been in our bed every night since then. Three years. Once we made the "lets do it" decision we said that as soon as we got a referral we would send that bear to our baby so he or she would know our scent before we were able to be united in person. Every night when I get in bed I say a prayer for the baby that we haven't yet met and I look at that bear for comfort through the night.
Someday the bear that has gotten us through this roller coaster of a ride, will be in the arms of a child that is so loved and so wanted already. Just maybe that bear will be his or her comfort in the night as it has been for us. Until then we will continue down our path, continue to pray and continue to look to that bear for the joy that is at the end of this journey.
And always continue to remember what a special day July 21st is to us.
13 comments:
Wow Kayce what an amazing story! Can't wait to see that bear get in a box and head for China :)
What a wonderful story. One to tell your girl one day.
Keep smilin!
This is a great story...I bet she loves that bear as much as you do!!!
Love your new music monday choice....so fitting!!
Have a good night!
Lisa
Love that story. What a great keepsake for your daughter.
That is a great story... we were driving home from the Great Wall workshop when we decided for sure we would do it... on our way home we had stopped over at an Antique Store in Ft Lauderdale and it was there I saw a wooden Chinese Jewellery Box and I had bought it in a booth that sold nothing but old stuff from China... I said that I was going to keep this so one day when we are in China we can get a 'flower', 'a rock', and little knick knacks etc and fill up that jewellery box of mementos for her... I look forward to the day of using it for the purpose it was bought for... we did also 'build a bear' and named that Shauna too... we had done it when we went to an East Meets West Conference...
That's a great story to tell your daughter one day!
A lovely story! I can see how you wouldn't be able to resist loving that adorable little bear. Someday you'll kiss it and seal it in a box and your baby will snuggle it while she waits for you to bring her home. It WILL happen!
Donna
Our blog: Double Happiness!
What a sweet story! That bear is adorable!
Kayce, what a beautiful post. You will be on my mind. I love that you have the bear and that it is a comfort to you.
This wait is so hard.
The day you see your baby cuddling that bear will be a wonderful day for you!
I'm glad you are still sleeping with the teddy bear!! :)
This was a beautiful post. I am so glad to have stumbled upon your blog!!!
Have a beautiful day,
Krista @bits and pieces
What an awesome post!! Thanks for sharing that. I was remembering lately too while HOLDING bailey. It was pretty amazing and will soon be you!! EX hole...hahahahahhaha
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