You'd never know by looking at these pictures that just a few months ago the smile on that sweet little girls face wasn't as confidant.
You'd never know that the woman in these shots was worried that she was doing something wrong just a few weeks ago.
You'd never know any of those things now because everything has changed. A light switch came on. An understanding was made. A loss was forgotten. A thread of trust was grabbed tighter.
You see it hasn't been the easiest adjustment for us, mother and daughter. It may seem as though it has been, but it hasn't. For me I knew what I was getting into when we began our journey of love but what I wasn't prepared for was the total overwhelming crash of love that hit me when this child was placed in my arms, then the total overwhelming crash of denial that came pouring out of her just crushed me. I was her "caregiver", not her mommy but her daddy was by far the air she breathed. I had to constantly remind myself that every woman my daughter had ever made contact with, left her or ignored her completely.
Every morning I put on my best mommy face only to have my hugs denied, my kisses rejected and my love trampled. But I kept going. There were times when I let my guard down and showed my hurt in front of her only to be reminded by my patient and loving husband that her love will come. So my job as her "caregiver" continued. She was the child I'd always dreamed of yet I was not the mother she was ready to have yet. Her fear is valid....will she leave me one day?
Then one day something clicked. I can't pinpoint the day, but something changed in her and it was profound just within the last month or so. I suddenly became her everything! I was hugged back with joy. I was given kisses for the first time that weren't promoted or stolen, they were freely given kisses! I brought a smile to her face when I walked in a room. I was called, "my momma". There's a connection now where there used to be nothing. It's electrifying between us now and I love it. She understands that I'm not going anywhere. She's stuck with me, like it or not!
Last week Lisa's self portrait for Black and White Wednesday inspired me to give it a shot. I failed miserably! BUT I had fun experimenting and can't wait to do it again. The best part of my first attempt was bringing my daughter downstairs after her nap and putting on our "mother" and "daughter" shirts and having a fun hour shooting pictures of each other. These cute tanks were a gift the month after our dossier went off to China and now too many years later we're sporting them!