29 April 2008

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 16 comments

Feeling the guilt


I am getting back into the exercise mode again and am walking with Ella 3 days a week now and man does it feel good, but the guilt I feel for leaving Molly at home is eating me alive!!! I try to convince Molly that she can enjoy some alone time and take a peaceful nap while I take her rambunctious sister out, but the look in her eyes just about kills me. Ella and I try to sneak out the door before Molly knows we are gone, but I see her peeking out the window at us. So I go and grab a bone and lead her to a pillow in the sunshine, she will have nothing to do with it, she follows me to the door. I finally have to just walk out the gate and not look back. IT KILLS ME!!

I had to stop taking her with me on walks because obviously she just doesn't have the strength anymore. I do take her to the beach 3 days a week and we just sit and talk and lately she can barely make it to the waters edge, but we go anyway. When we first found out six weeks ago that the cancer was back, I stopped walking completely because I felt horrible leaving her home alone and I knew she really wanted to go. Last week I couldn't stand not walking anymore and Ella has been putting on a few pounds in the last six weeks ( and so have I!!! ), so we went out and now we have the guilts!!

The look on Molly's face when we come back is so sad, she literally looks mad at us. No tail wagging and no barks of hello. She just goes and lays down. Oh I just want to cry. She does go with me everyday to pick up J from school, but I'm sure that's not enough. I need just one more hour in the day to make two trips to the beach...one for Ella and one for Molly.

Oh my girl! She's laying here with me right now wondering when we are going to bed. The day's are getting harder for her. Her glands are swelling more and more every day and her breathing is a little more labored, but she is still chasing the ball (like she's a 85 year old lady), and eating all of her dinner every night. I am blessed everyday she is here with us. Everyday.

16 comments:

Just a word of encouragement and to tell you I am thinking of you. Give your girl a big snuggle for me - every day is precious but you already know that!!

I know just how you feel, our Jack has such bad hips he can't walk with us anymore. If we venture out he gets so upset he will bark the whole time we are out , the neighbours can hear him and tell us how upset he gets.
This rips at my heart, he gets anxious if we go down to the family room and he is upstairs, yikes!
Hugs going out to Molly and you.
Hugs...

Oh Kayce, my heart bleeds for you and your sadness.

Lea
xo

Could you maybe put her in a wagon and take her with you on the walk? That could solve the problem of not tiring her but still give her a way to join you.

I'm so grateful for every day you have with her. :)

Savor every moment. Our fourteen year old yorkie went running around in doggie heaven in January. We knew that every day was blessing!! What a sweetie you have!!!

I like Krista's idea of putting her in a wagon! I've even seen those doggie strollers. Maybe you could get her one of those and push her?

There came a time in Taylor's life last year when I couldn't take her out with Buffy for a walk. She was just too wobbly and she tired so quickly. I felt terrible watching her disappointment while Buffy and I suited up and left for our walk.

We just have to do the best we can. You know?

I say try Krista's idea. Anything you try can help.

It is heartbreaking. I am sad that you are are feeling this.

Keep smilin!

There are no words of wisdom I can offer...I am so sorry for this hard, hard time in your life. You are a beatiful mom and Molly knows you love her more than words can say.

Sending love and prayers to you and your family...

Oh Kayce. I'm just sitting here at my computer crying with you.

I have no words. Just these meek empathetic tears.

I had a hard time commenting on this post. I read it on my lunch break and found I just couldn't put any words down. Then I wrote a comment and erased it. Even though our Tess had Cancer for two years, her death came quite suddenly. We literally woke up one day and she had deteriorated to the point that we knew it was time. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling. I'm so sorry.

Oh I agree with the wagon...she'd probably love it......

Don't beat yourself up, she knows that she is loved.

Hugs...

try the wagon - really. If you think she may try to jump out, then just know you are doing the very best you can do, your other dog needs the exercise. I know you feel horrible about leaving her - I tried my best to never leave Zeus when he was sick, but I wonder how good for ME that was, because I went NOWHERE.
You have, and are continuing to give sweet Molly such a blessed life - she knows it.

A hug for you and a kiss on the sweet nose for your girl.

We've been there all too recently. Thinking of you. xo

My dog just chewed a hole in the mahagany fireplace mantle. I hate dogs right now. No. But you are the best dog mom in the history of the world.

I get the guilt. Our Jazz is loosing weight and I'm freaking out. Take care.

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