Our Boy and His Cricket

On the other end of the line was a voice that told me who was calling and said, "Congratulations! Kayce you have a baby girl and that's all the information I have for you right now so don't ask any questions and I'll email you her information within an hour."  Gulp.  Tears.  Gulp.  Tears.  Shaking.  Gulp.

I remember my sisters arms around me and there were words spoken but I don't remember who was talking or what was being said.  The room was spinning and it felt as though we were having an earthquake.  At least 15 minutes passed before I caught my breath long enough to say I should call Mike and tell him he's a daddy again.  I got his voicemail and later found out he listened to that message on a street just shy of Chinatown and cried and listened to the message again.  He later told me he was so excited he accidently erased the message instead of saving it for eternity.  He made it home that day from The City in record time.  I managed to call our families to tell them the news.  There was pure shock all around.  And not 20 minutes after that beautiful call, my email chimed that I had a new message and there she was.  But I waited almost 3 hours before I opened it.  My sister pushed me into the shower and swore she'd not peek at that email!  I had to pick Big J up from school that day and was a shaking, smiling mess of joy to tell him the news.  He wanted to know all the details but I said we had to wait for Mike to get home before we could open that email.  We pulled in the driveway 30 minutes later and there was my husbands truck. 

Five minutes later this is what we saw...

And here is our reaction: 

It's been 365 days since I first saw this beautiful face.  Since I fell in love with those soulful eyes.  Since I touched every part of her face even before I held her in my arms.  Since I was given a gift from God. 365 days of staring at those pictures which I treasure so very much!  It seems like yesterday.   And now we begin the walk into another 365 days filled with hope, preparation,  answered prayers, celebrations, first moments together, beginning a new life, and a newfound joy.  

I love you my sweet, sweet girl!  I love you!  Today is a day I will never forget.  One that fills my heart with love and pride of who you are and what you mean to me.  I treasure you like the stars in the night sky and will always be by your side where ever you are.  

~ I love how you give "the glare" to those who you do not know.  People always laugh at your mean little look, but I know that it is your concern with strangers.  The funny thing is though, is that when we walk away you always say good bye and wave or blow a kiss and that stranger never sees it.

~ I love our Monday's!  We spend the entire day just you and me doing chores, grocery shopping, picking up after the weekend and sometimes a sweet nap together.  It's our day.

~ I love how you let me play with your hair and how you let me style it up!  I can't wait for the days when you are brushing my hair for hours and adding all kinds of bows to it!  

~ I love that you are starting to string words together like, "more please" and "thank you" or "here mama" and that you are starting to count and point to things we ask you about like your nose or your toes.  

~ I love that you love music as much as me and that you think dancing is the next best thing besides your favorite pink blanket.  The way you swing your head is too adorable!

~ I love our mornings cuddled up in our favorite chair each with our morning cup of joe.  

We watch the sun come up through the trees and enjoy a few minutes of silence together.

~ I love that tomorrow you will have been in my arms longer than you haven't.  

The days that lie ahead are ones I long to remember and will cherish forever!

The days that have past us already are treasures to me.

I love you my sweet princess and I am SO very lucky to have you in my life and 

to have been blessed by the miracle of adopting you!

...love mommie.

Happy Wednesday!  

Be sure to stop by Lisa's blog and check others entries in Black and White Wednesday.

Happy Wednesday!  Be sure to hop on over to Lisa's blog for more great black and whites!  

Sometimes I find myself staring at this picture which hangs framed on my living room wall.  

My husband captured this moment during a sunny afternoon while camping in Oregon last summer.

I gaze at it in utter awe.  After nine months of cradling this child of God in my arms I am still amazed that He actually answered my prayers and so richly blessed our lives.   

I'm also humbled by His Grace.

I think back to the year prior to this photo and almost cry to think we were so close to walking away from this adoption.  After almost three years of waiting and longing to have our prayers answered, the emotional ups and downs of the wait, the questions of uncertainty, and the lack of patience to go any further, we were ready to walk away.  We spent weeks questioning ourselves.  We argued over who was going to call our agency.  We cried in pain at a loss we'd never even held.

Then one day I was sitting in my car in my driveway numb and so confused over what to do.   A song started playing on my iPod, "Show Me What I'm Looking For"  by Carolina Liar.  As the tears began to flow so did the answer inside me.  Let go and let God.  I'd always tried to control the adoption myself, yes I prayed about it but I never fully gave it to God.  That day I did.  My husband and I talked that night about our decision....walk away or give it to Him and wait to see no matter how much longer our wait would be.  

We walked the remainder of our wait with the strength knowing that this adoption was in His hands.

 The inner peace that came with that knowledge was overpowering and life changing.