Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts

27 September 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010 - , 16 comments

Our first tea

My sweet girl and I shared our first tea together a few weeks back...
We enjoyed every drop of our pretend tea and tea sandwiches with quiet enthusiasm.  It was fun to watch my girl do exactly what you have to do with your cup and plate and pour the tea just right.  She loved to stir in the milk and sugar and wipe her mouth when she was all done.  I can not wait to do this again and again and again and again as the years go by in our lives together.  And most of all I can't wait to share a cup of tea with her in a small town in China someday when we return.
I bought this tea set four plus years ago in anticipation of this day...it was so worth every second!

29 September 2009

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 - ,, 16 comments

Intermission

While we wait for a package to arrive from China tomorrow, we've put together a little video for your listening and viewing pleasure....this is how WE wait! If our referral is not in this batch (if in fact that is what the package is), we plan on going on tour to help pass the time. But seriously folks, we're asking for a miracle here...we need to see our daughter and sisters face this week!! Today is 41 months and hopefully the last month of waiting!



Baby girl...

We can't wait to see your face and learn all about you! You are a constant in our thoughts and already loved so much!

Love you!

Mommie, Daddy and Jacob

21 July 2008

Monday, July 21, 2008 - , 13 comments

July 21, 2005

Today marks a very special point in our adoption. Three years ago today we were driving home from Southern California after spending the weekend with our best friends and celebrating their twins 1st birthday. Somewhere on interstate 5 we made the final decision to adopt.

I can remember screaming in the car when Mike said, "Let's do it." I remember feeling like the world was my best friend and it was working for me in such a positive way. I remember that the drive from that point on was SO LONG, I wanted so badly to get home and call every person I knew and check out all the agencies who worked with international adoption. I was so excited.

That weekend was bittersweet for me. The twins birthday celebration was wonderful. Spending time with my best friend was perfect. Being "home" was just what I needed. And of course holding two squirly one year olds was great for my baby desires, and it was the same for Mike as well. But the hard part of the weekend was finding out that my exhole and his wife were officially pregnant. No announcement had been made, but my bf (my ex's cousin) told me and wanted to make sure I was prepared for it when I got home and heard the news. I had to be excited for Jacob because he was going to be a big brother. Jacob was in HI at the time with his dad and family, celebrating.

To help keep my mind off the upcoming pregnancy and the excitement from my son, all of us went to Dland to be kids again. While there, Mike and I talked more about wanting kids, okay I mean I talked about wanting kids. Mike was still unsure at the time or probably was just processing how he was going to say "lets do it" to me on the way home 2 days later. We had passed the Build @ Bear place and I begged to go inside and spend the godawful amount to get one. I walked in wanting comfort.

I walked out with this little snuggly bear.

The during the ride home the bear was in my lap the whole time. I kept dreaming of making one for a baby I may never have. All during the beginning of the ride the topic of adoption was passed back and forth. Until finally "let's do it" came out. In the matter of minutes our bittersweet weekend had turned into a searing memory in our hearts. A moment of joy to last us until the end of this journey. In the three years since that day, we look back on it every year and remind ourselves of joy we felt in making that final decision. Let's do it.

That bear has been in our bed every night since then. Three years. Once we made the "lets do it" decision we said that as soon as we got a referral we would send that bear to our baby so he or she would know our scent before we were able to be united in person. Every night when I get in bed I say a prayer for the baby that we haven't yet met and I look at that bear for comfort through the night.

Someday the bear that has gotten us through this roller coaster of a ride, will be in the arms of a child that is so loved and so wanted already. Just maybe that bear will be his or her comfort in the night as it has been for us. Until then we will continue down our path, continue to pray and continue to look to that bear for the joy that is at the end of this journey.

And always continue to remember what a special day July 21st is to us.

18 July 2008

Friday, July 18, 2008 - ,, 13 comments

Testing Our Faith

Today at 5:30pm we received some (and I had to find the right word to put here and Mike and I came up with...) disappointing news from our agency. It is interesting that the information was sent to us in an email, on a Friday night. We now get to sit in wonder for the weekend with our hearts pulled and our stomaches in our throats.

This road has been so bumpy and we have kept the faith and this weekend we will really need to dig deep to let go and let God. In keeping with the faith we all decided to have some Chinese food for dinner tonight and share our thoughts, feelings and vent to eachother, including Jake. Well as you all know Chinese food comes with the best dessert and tonight under saddened skies we were not disappointed with the words that spilled out of the cookie.

Is someone really watching out for us?

03 July 2008

Thursday, July 03, 2008 - ,,, 10 comments

The little flutter of dreams


We recently received the new PBarn catalog in the mail and lately I've just tossed them in the trash without even a glance. But for some reason I opened it. I also recently opened the nursery again. The hallway was so dark and sad so I opened the door reluctantly one day and have left it open ever since. The brightness and joy seeping out of the doorway is so intoxicating I wanted to go in and sit in the rocking chair and cry. I didn't though and I still just pass by the room and look the other way when passing by.

But when I sat down and looked into that catalog, I felt a little flutter in my belly. I immediately squelched the feeling and told myself to move on, don't get excited, don't start to dream again, leave it and continue to move forward. But moving forward is hard, it takes energy and a state of mind that I'm not sure I have at the moment. I want so badly to walk in that room and pick up where I left off. Hang pictures. Finish the changing table. Wash more clothes and sit and fold them all the while smelling and touching their little threads. I want to open the window and scream from the top of my lungs that I am having a baby!

But I can't.

The more the door stays open I am reminded of what is really happening here. We are waiting for the next chapter in our lives to begin. And while we wait the rest of the world is moving ahead. I feel as though I am standing at the subway in the middle of rush hour watching the thousands of people pass me by, going on with their daily chores. There may be an answer to my riddle here though. Take down the nursery and put it in storage, again. It has almost been a year since we pulled everything out of storage a second time thinking we would be a completed family by now. In a year we haven't seen much change only the change of our hearts becoming numb with wanting. So I think to myself, would I then be able to move forward if the nursery was just an empty room, void of life. The closet empty of lace and satin. Would I? I don't know. I just don't know.

For now I have disappointment in my heart, that flutter is such a hard feeling to make go away.

When will this end?

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