A sweet moment captured by Big J in San Francisco. Processed with Nelly Nero's Cynic B/W
As our car sped along the open road with the beautiful Pacific Ocean on our left and the sun on our faces, a conversation was taking place in the car. Voices full of ideas. Tones filled with wonderment. A long forgotten tune playing in the background. Sparks of excitement exploding all over. The day was July 25, 2005. I can almost remember each moment of that six hour drive home from Southern California up highway 101.
We had just spent the weekend with our best friends celebrating their twins firsts birthday. The weekend was packed full with getting ready for the celebration and the pitter patter of small feet all around me. Much of the conversation was about the joy of children in our lives and how each and every one is such a gift from God, especially the twins who were IVF babies...miracles. My soul was craving another child then. My body could not give me that child. Little did I know at the time that adoption could and even would.
Having a child for me was never something I thought I could do. As a child I was diagnosed with Type I diabetes and was told I would most likely never conceive. Then I had my son. My world changed with one heartbeat and after that I wanted to fill my arms with as many children as I could hold. Several years after the birth of my first child I had to have a total hysterectomy and thought I had lost my chance to fill my arms again and again. My husband and I would never share a child of our own. I learned to accept it. Kind of. In my soul I ached for another. Adoption soon filled my heart until it burst on that drive home from a first birthday.
In those six hours that it took us to get home we had gone from one end of the adoption spectrum to the other. Tears were shed. Laughter was heard. Countries were mentioned. Money was discussed. Names were thrown out there. Concrete was poured and our hearts were firmly incased in the fact that we were going to be parents again. We were going to get the chance to share something together. We were going to adopt. When we walked in the door, I ran straight for the computer and the phone. I called my best friend to tell her she was always right about how another child would grace our family. I frantically started researching agencies and for the first time couldn't wait for Monday to get here so I could make calls!
I'm a go in and get it done kinda person. This is what I want and this is how to do it...get it, got it...good! Not so much with adoption. Adoption is not for the faint hearted nor a person of little faith. This was not something I was completely prepared for when we started this journey. We began our adoption with Russia and got turned down due to my diabetes. It was a pretty sad day for me. Once again I felt betrayed by my health. Then China spoke to us again. And again. And again. It had from the beginning. The next week we turned in our application for China and started the race.
Mike captured this moment on our beach a few months back. Processed with Nelly Nero's Classic B/W with a few tweaks.As we all know the journey of love in route to China is quite a bumpy one. There are road blocks every few miles and lots of floods to swim through. When our dossier went across the ocean and landed on a desk in China we were told it would be 6-9 months to wait for our child. Those months turned into a path I never saw coming. This path changed me to the core. And to be honest right now...I'm glad. In those 45 months I learned to accept the things I can not change and make lemonade with what's leftover. I found a deeper love for myself and I found a much deeper relationship with God.
Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard, almost ugly sometimes. Adoption is an incredible joy. Adoption is raw. Adoption is perfect and completely imperfect at the same time. Adoption blesses two entities. Adoption is not something you can prepare for. Adoption can deplete your wallet yet give you riches beyond measure. Adoption is a gift from God.
Adoption not only changed my family it changed my life and it will change me again because my arms have plenty of room and my heart is firmly in the concrete I call the miracle of adoption.
Black and White Wednesday everyone! Our entire family hopes your kickoff to the holidays is filled with all the blessings you've prayed about all year long! Happy Thanksgiving to all!