09 January 2008

Wednesday, January 09, 2008 - 19 comments

Keeping the Faith

So, many of you may have seen on my comments that I've been writing "Keep the Faith". Well I guess I should maybe give a small explanation. Truly I am NOT trying to be Suzy Sunshine in this adoption path, but I've got to do something to keep me going, so this new year I decided to "keep the faith" in our adoption. I don't know what else to do at this point.

I really want to leave 2007 behind me. 2007 was by far one of the shittiest years I've EVER had. In the last year, I have gone from this to this
in a matter of 365 days. The person I have become is my worst nightmere. So with the new year I said to little ole me, "you have to do something before you are lost forever!!!".

With my new mantra of "keeping the faith", I am trying to remind myself to stay positive and strong. I am reteaching myself to believe in the power of whoever is watching over me. I am regaining my strength to dig the dirt out of my way so I can get out of the hole I was buried in mid year 2007. And let me tell you, this hole I'm in is not good, it is deep, it is dark and it is not healthy. It SUCKS! When I am plunged into darkness by rumors and referrals, instead of letting it bury me deeper, I repeat OVER AND OVER AND OVER, out loud or in my head....

Keep the faith.

Keep the faith.

Keep the faith.

Sometimes I have SCREAM it!

I can not let another year of my life go to waste, I CAN'T. If I do it will definitely be the end of me. I have lost A LOT this last year, I can not and will not lose anymore.

I must...

Keep the faith...

that I will have a child someday...

that China will do what is right and good...

that I will be strong for myself...

to get through this...Alive


God...you have no idea how much I needed to read that today. Ripped from my head and my heart.


I needed this. Thank you. The darkness is trying to overcome me too, but I will not let it win.

Good mantra, although my heart hurts for you and other waiting families.

I wrote something very similar on my blog on new year's day. I will not let this wait consume me in 2008 like it did in 2007. I will live my life!

I'll be keeping the faith right there with ya!

You are stronger than the pain of this wait..believe it or not! I think 2007 was deflating for a lot of us. When have to take 2008 to build ourselves back up. It's going to be a test, but we just have to. Could you imagine picking up your daughter, who will sooooo need you to be the strong one, and being an emotional catastrophe? We all need to fight our way back to a strong place. Your words are inspiring. I'm so proud of you for choosing to not let this over come you entirely.

Please keep the faith for those of us who no longer have it.

Those photos are of ME! It was a tough year.

Still living life...but, yeah, thanks for the kick in the pants that I need some serious work in the faith department. It's really been shaking these past few months.

I think you have chosen a wise response to the wait. I'm trying to take the same approach with our wait, too.

Keep the faith!!!

I thought I was reading about me! Definitely needed to hear it:)

I love your mantra - And I know you WILL get through this and come out a much stronger person. Keep on keeping that faith, Kayce!

I found your blog off of Special K's! I just love your mantra too! It really is about keeping the faith.

Wow- I think you must have read my mind! Thank you for putting to words the way I am feeling. I try to be positive about this wait, but sometimes I need this added boost that you provided for me..... I'm keeping the faith right there with ya!

HECK YA!!! YOU GO!!! THat is awesome. Leave the crap behind and move onto better and bigger things. I totally love your attitude and I really think this year will be better-- good for you and


Christy :)

word, sista.

Ditto on what Dolores said.

I am always amazed at how a woman sees herself. I have always thought you showed incredible faith and perseverence through this process, good or bad. So what if you get down or angry some days? You always find your way back. You inspire others and have helped many people through hard times. I wish you could see yourself through the eyes of others. I don't believe you have ever lost faith, sold faith or given it away; which would indicate you have to "keep it". I belive you have to remember your faith it is will always be with you. So, give yourself a break! And if you have to keep something, keep a bottle opener. Those seem to disappear far more often. Miss you much. Allison

Beth Morre has a new book out that is great...it is called Get Out of that Pit. It refers to all the different pits and dark holes we find ourselves in. It has been a wonderful book for me to read and has helped me through this season of my life. Just thought I would pass it along.