14 October 2007

Sunday, October 14, 2007 - 14 comments

Dark Dark Dark

I am not well today.

I am at the end of my patience.
I can not find the strength.
Why is it that a surprise batch of referrals was sent to April 06 LIDs?
Why is it that a a fellow March 06 waiter was told by her agency that she had another year of waiting, AT LEAST!

Another year.

Another year of putting our lives on hold. Another year of holding onto the hope that our turn is coming soon. Another year of planning. Another year of someone else running my life. Another year of being a yo-yo. Another year of holidays gone by with no added family member.

I am so tired of putting my life on hold.

I am so tired of trying to smile.

I am so tired!


I'm sorry. It's so, so hard to go on everyday waiting, thinking maybe this time it will be a 15 or 20 day batch. The excitement and hope of the first time we submitted out application gets eaten away with every small batch. I wish I had the magic words to tell people, to tell myself, but I just don't, no one does. I pray China isn't holding back children just to save face, that would brake my heart more than the wait.
We can only concentrate on our lives now and hope for a better tomorrow.

Yes, it's looking pretty grim. We are LID 2/5/07, it's looking like 2-3 more years for us. There is nothing we can do but focus on today and try not to lose it.

It comes in waves, doesn't it? I had dinner with a bunch of families adopting from Ethiopia - the piteous looks that they gave us when they heard how long we'd been waiting & how much longer it will be were sad. Made me sad. It is very sad.....

I am so sorry, Kayce. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but there just isn't. Please know that I care about you and I'm waiting with you in spirit.

OH Kayce I am sooooo sorry for your pain!! I was shocked when I read on RQ about the April batch. That is just amazlingly wrong!! Honestly, it is a day by day journey and I totally feel your pain. Last Christmas when that song by 3rd day came out "Merry Christmas" I think-- I literally lost it every time I heard it. I just could not belive I was going to go through another Christmas without my Mia. It was heart wrenching and I am still moved to tears when I think about it. Your pain is felt by so many and I too feel it. Hold on Kayce. I know it means very little right now, but your time will come and your little girl will be home to her mommy and daddy very soon!!

Christy :)

Sitting there in the dark with you.


what? an agency got a "surprise" referral? what the hell?!

i'm sorry kayce... i'll pray for your sanity today.

:( I know that sinking feeling well. I'm sorry. Praying for you.

The RQ is always blowing out candles.

ughh not sure what to say, just sending you hugs...hold on in there..x

I'm with Terri. Hang in there... Call me if you need me.

Oh Kayce. I am so sorry. I can't even imagine the pain right now. I wish that I had some great words of wisdom. I am praying for you guys. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to email or call. XOXO

I am sorry. I don't know any other words that do not come off as something I don't mean them to. Its unfair, its scary, and its sometimes depressing.

I've found myself avoiding choosing a name, or buying baby things lately, because it feels too hard, and too risky sometimes to think as an expectant parent does and should. Its sad that distancing ourselves from the child we're adopting and the process is necessary, because we were and are so excited about it, in our hearts. Its been a very bumpy, unprecedented ride for the past year for all of us.