24 September 2007

Monday, September 24, 2007 - 8 comments

What the wait has done for me

The wait in our adoption has had a profound impact on me and the life that swirls around me. As much as I have hated this wait, I have also learned several things which I am forever grateful.

I have learned patience. I so wish I had this kind of patience when I was a young mother. Today I can wait in traffic and NOT flip out. I can go to the store and wait for the old lady figuring out what bread is best while she parks her cart in the middle of the isle. I smile while I wait. I wait patiently because there is nothing I can do, it is out of my control.

I have learned who my true friends are. During the last 2 years I have come to understand that people really do suck and are truly selfish asses! I have also learned that a true friend really does walk in when the rest of the world walks out. My world or who I thought was part of my world literally walked out of my life. No explanation. No goodbyes. Gone. This has been extremely hard for me to cope with, but I have found that the people that REALLY matter are here and they continue to hold me up. To support me. To help me clean the mess that I make. To wipe away my tears when they fall.

One of the best things I have learned is to see the beauty in EVERYTHING! All around me is beauty which I have always taken for granted. I have the time to stop and look at that tree and admire the way is sways in the wind. Why have I not stopped before to seek it's beauty?? I just didn't make the time. All I've had in this wait is time. Time to stop and look around me and see things. Hear things. Touch things.

I have learned to erect the shield to keep out the hurt. This is still something I am continually struggling with, but I am getting better at it. Slowly. I am more cautious of who and what I let in my walls. I've always lived with no walls around me, I love people, I love to have friends surround me, I love to learn more more more. But when I let in a rumor, a bad seed, I am always hurt. But now I can read the rumors and only read them, not read into them. I can see a newscast and I can turn it off. I can walk away from the ones who walked away from me, I think.

But for now.

I will continue to wait.

I will continue to admire the silent beauty around me.

I will.

I will.

I will.

PS: As I am finishing this post the song playing on my stereo is....

"Waiting on the world to change" by John Mayer.

No joke.

John Mayer - Waiting On The World To Change lyrics


Hard lessons but life is so much better for having learnt them.

Keep smilin!

I am glad you are learning from this wait. I am just getting fat.

What a beautiful post. Terri..Im just getting fatter but hoping that will change.

That was a beautiful post.
Good things come to those who wait. And know we all wait with you, to hold your hand and to laugh together, and to cry together.
I too look at the world differently. I sometimes wonder if my daughter or her mother are looking at the same moon I am. Just allot of dreaming and waiting.

It's a perfect song for all of us waiting parents.
But like you, this wait has changed me for the better.
It's a soul journey.

I admire all of you slugging out this wait... it will so be worth it, but wow... what a beeyotch.

As my grandma used to say, keep your pecker up!

What an amazingly optimistic view of this wait. I love your realization of the fact that people suck. I totally agree. The sucky ones fall off and it is hard when that happens but I must say it feels good to loose a bit of extra un-needed weight-- right??

Have a great day!!

Christy :)

Lose the deadweight friends now. Makes things SO much easier later.
Our whole network changed. As did we.

Time wears the shore slowly, grain of sand by grain of sand. But the beach left behind is a perfect sunset spot.