We are loosing our home.
We have lost everything.
Everything that we've worked so hard to get...is gone.
Our dream vanished.
In one moment what we thought was good was suddenly bad and we lost almost 50% of our income. Within weeks we found ourselves living WELL BEYOND our means and we knew exactly what lay ahead of us...bankruptcy, foreclosure, loss of stability, loss of possessions, and the reevaluating of our lives. A deep reevaluating...to the core.
At the time when this began we lived a very stressful lifestyle trying to keep up with the Jones...the nice cars, the perfect home that we put everything into, the things that made us acceptable, stuff. Stuff. Just stuff. Then I sat at my grandmothers hospital bed and held her bare hand as she slipped from this world and into eternity. She left with nothing. She wanted none of her possessions in her last days. Just the gown they gave to her when she checked into the hospital. I remember asking her if I could bring her a favorite blanket or her lip balm or a comfy night gown from home and she always said, "...no, I can't take it with me." And when she slipped away from me she didn't take anything with her but the love of her family and her memories.
I stopped. And looked around me. At all my blessings. At what God has given me. ALL that He has provided me and gifted me! I am beyond blessed!
And what He was taking away from me.
Then the world became crystal clear and my bitterness at our situation turned to humbleness and thankfulness. I have SO MUCH! Why am I crying over loosing my "dream car"? Or watching our trailer get towed away by some strange man? These things I can't take with me...yes I can take the memories of our many camping trips but I can't take that trailer with me and I know plenty of people that have camped out in the wide open with just a blanket. But the material things I'd become obsessed with I will only work harder to pay for them instead of work hard to spend with what's most important...my family.
When I came to this realization, a light went on in my soul and I took this path the Lord has put us on with a new attitude. A humbled attitude. An attitude filled with a very hard look at myself. A step back from societies expectations. And a deep desire to learn what is more important.
It's been a tough walk.
It's been a growing walk.
It's been a scary walk.
It's been a sad walk.
It's been a wonderful walk.
It's been a learning walk.
It's been a sharing walk.
It's been a life changing walk.
We have not kept this secret from those close to us because we felt we couldn't hide any longer behind our Oz. We went forward with the choice to take this on as best we could with all our might to save what we could but do it with nothing less than a smile, a Grace filled heart and a positive attitude...because honestly, what else were we to do? We've tried everything to save our home and our lifestyle but when it comes down to it...it's all just stuff. We put ourselves here and I'm not going to let it affect the rest of my life and make me bitter and mean. Life is way too short. What "stuff" I do have, I can feel a heart beating in my arms and THAT is what I want more than anything else. My home is where my family is, regardless if the shell is 2200 square feet or 300. My family is my home. The Lord has a plan for us and I know we are already sharing that plan. I have no regrets.
So here we are with the notice in hand that the final chapter of this journey is coming to an end....we received our 90 day notice last Tuesday to leave the home my husband has put every ounce of sweat into to make beautiful for us. The home we've loved in for 10 years. The home our son spent a large part of his life in. The home we made for the daughter who has profoundly changed our lives. The home where the Lord filled our hearts with His love and changed our lives forever by His grace.
In just a few short weeks I will close the gate behind me and take with us the amazing memories we made here and the lesson we learned. And I will move forward with a humble heart and hands full of beating hearts...my family.
To be continued....