Sometimes I find myself staring at this picture which hangs framed on my living room wall.
My husband captured this moment during a sunny afternoon while camping in Oregon last summer.
I gaze at it in utter awe. After nine months of cradling this child of God in my arms I am still amazed that He actually answered my prayers and so richly blessed our lives.
I'm also humbled by His Grace.
I think back to the year prior to this photo and almost cry to think we were so close to walking away from this adoption. After almost three years of waiting and longing to have our prayers answered, the emotional ups and downs of the wait, the questions of uncertainty, and the lack of patience to go any further, we were ready to walk away. We spent weeks questioning ourselves. We argued over who was going to call our agency. We cried in pain at a loss we'd never even held.
Then one day I was sitting in my car in my driveway numb and so confused over what to do. A song started playing on my iPod, "Show Me What I'm Looking For" by Carolina Liar. As the tears began to flow so did the answer inside me. Let go and let God. I'd always tried to control the adoption myself, yes I prayed about it but I never fully gave it to God. That day I did. My husband and I talked that night about our decision....walk away or give it to Him and wait to see no matter how much longer our wait would be.
We walked the remainder of our wait with the strength knowing that this adoption was in His hands.
The inner peace that came with that knowledge was overpowering and life changing.