You see, my ex and I never wanted to be those parents who only spoke to each other through a lawyer or through our kids. I remember sitting in parenting classes for divorcing families and I saw him across the room as the teacher was explaining the types of split families....5 being parents who are always in court or have to communicate with a mediator or lawyer and 1 being the parents who vacation together. We both put up 2 fingers and gave an awkward smile, two being the parents who can still talk and even enjoy an occasional dinner or holidays together.
You may wonder why just as my friend did. Well there is just one reason and it's a pretty big one.
He didn't ask for us to split apart and move in separate directions in our lives. He didn't orchestrate our falling apart. He didn't and still doesn't deserve to be put in the middle of anything that is between his dad and I. Now don't get me wrong, we are FAR from perfect and yes sometimes we find ourselves looking at the number 4 on the type of family list, couples who never speak and always say horrible things about each other.
But we don't.
Because again, we don't hurt each other, we only hurt Big J. We move past our issues with each other with grace and dignity, I think. At least I hope we do. It is hard work though on both of our parts and no we are not the best of friends, but we are friendly.
Our lives will mingle and enter-twine forever and that can't and wont change. We were each at the others weddings. I was at the hospital the day after he and his wife had their son. We've done holidays together. We do birthdays together. And my ex and his wife were here when we brought the cricket home. And someday in the future we will be at our sons wedding and there when he welcomes his own children into our world.
My ex is a part of my family and so is his wife and their son. I wouldn't change that. Our love today is much different than it was 20 years ago and that makes me happy, we've both found our true loves and know that what we had was nothing compared to what we have now. The best part is I get to gaze every day upon that love we once shared... our son.
And for that I am grateful.