I just pray for her.
I think about her.
It's hard for me not to though because I can't walk away from the fact that I have her child in my arms. But I'm also left with the knowledge that a physical piece of herself was left on my daughters body. A piece so intimate that when I first saw that bandage I gasped audibly. Upon removing those many layers of clothing on that cold January afternoon we discovered that our cricket was wearing a bandage over her belly button. At first we thought she had an injury but soon realized the bandage held more than just our daughters sweet belly button.
So much more.
That bandage held the bond between mother and child. The single piece of human flesh that feeds one and connects two for nine months. The remaining piece of her umbilical cord. I held it in my shaking hands. I cried at the thought of what it was and that just a few months prior it had connected my daughter with the woman who carried her in her womb. I looked at it in awe. This is what nurtured my daughter. Her daughter. Her daughter. My daughter. Mine.
This instantly became a treasure to me. It held so much for me, knowing that it could have very well been cut by the woman herself who carried my child. The only physical link my daughter may ever have of the woman who held her first. And a connection for me to a woman who I hold so dear in my heart. A woman who I may never meet but will think about as though she is my own sister on a daily basis. How can I not think of this woman, I stare into her eyes every day. Her beautiful, beautiful eyes. How can I forget her? How? I never will. Never.
As I stare into those eyes, those soulful eyes, I will start the day of my daughters birth with a prayer for her, her mother. This woman I know so intimately yet have never met. I will talk about her to her daughter and tell her how beautiful she is and what she gave me is immeasurable. What she gave my daughter is immeasurable. She gave her life. She gave her a chance. And God gave her to me.
I pray you are safe dear one. These days leading up to the birth that changed your life must be full of sorrow and wonder. I hope you know the celebration of your daughters life will always include you. Always. And I pray you know in your soul that your daughter is SO loved and will never forget you. Ever. May God Bless you and be with you always.