Wednesday, February 11, 2009 - 
15 comments
15 comments
Not so wordless today...
This was just a part of my devotional for today...
The Difficult Path
Your path is difficult, difficult for you both. There is no work as hard in life as waiting, and yet I say wait...
...Wait. I will not overtry your spiritual strength. You are both like two persons, helpless on a raft in mid ocean....
...All your toil in rowing and all your activity could not have accomplished the journey so soon. Oh wait and trust. Wait and be not afraid.
I have reread that at least 6 times today and will probably read it 6 more before I go to sleep tonight. I couldn't have said it any better than that, those are my feelings, those are my thoughts right now.
This wait in our adoption has been at times flat out awful, almost unbearable, but I've always known that it is completely out of my hands. I can not make this happen and that is what is hard for me. I see something and I do what ever is in my power to make it happen. Fast. But not so for this circumstance. It has been a time of waiting and learning for me. This wait has shown me a side of myself that is new to me, a new bud that needed to be tenderly cared for and is now beginning to blossom. I continue to wait in anticipation for the future of not just our child, but of the blossoming that is happening. I am not afraid.
As I went about my day today mulling over my morning meditation, I began to look at who else is involved in this wait besides me and immediately my thoughts went to our daughters birthmom. This wait for her is nothing like mine, not even comparable. She has waited in anticipation for this baby not knowing what she was having, a boy or a girl. She has wondered if she can bathe, feed or shelter her unborn child. She has sat under the same stars and moon as mine and wondered what lies ahead for this baby she feels kicking inside her. Can she keep it? Can she give it away? Can she live without?
Her waiting is more painful than mine will or has ever been. Once her decision is made, she will begin a lifetime of waiting. Waiting for something she may never see again. Every time she hears something, she will look up with anticipation just as I do now when I see the Fed-Ex truck pull into the drive. While my wait is soon to be ending, hers may never end.
This difficult path the two of us are on is what has been chosen for us by someone bigger. It is out of our hands to make it happen faster or never happen at all. But we are on this path together, hand in hand unknowingly. The day I take this woman's child into my arms will be a moment of many she has waited for, a mother to love her daughter like she would herself. Her daughter will never forget where she came from, nor how she got here. I will do what ever it takes to answer her anticipation someday and reconnect her with what is hers. I owe that to her, because she is waiting.
My dearest Jennifer,
You are loved beyond words. Beyond breath. You are loved by not just me but by the most important person in your life, your birthmom. She will always be around you and be a thought away. Never wonder, always ask and together we shall seek what there is to know. Remember my love, you are who you are because of her, a strong and beautiful person.
I love you more than all the trees on earth and will wait for you and with you...
Mommie
15 comments:
BEAUTIFUL...
you are sooo right..
HUGS..
Jennifer will be in your arms soon..
Love ya girly..
What a fantastic post!! So well said. It makes me know that there is a purpose in all of this.
Hugs,
Beautiful post. You have an amazing way with words.
Lots of love to you my friend. A beautiful, thoughtful, well written post.
Lea
That post is making me teary eyed. Thank you! You expressed what I am feeling too.
Keep smilin!
Why'd you have to go and kame me cry right before I have to leave for work? :)
Did you get my e-mail? Several people have told me they didn't get e-mails that I sent(twice!) so I wanted to make sure you got it.
Tears and lots of them!! It is amazing how much we love and care unconditionally about these little ones before we even know who they are. I agree that out wait is nothing in comparison to her birth moms and the uncertainty of her pregnancy and ultimatly her decision to give Jennifer up. That would be the hardest decision ever but it will be in that loving deicsion that Jennifer will ultimatly bring her home to her forever mommy and daddy. She is going to be so lucky to have you for parents and you will be so lucky to have a precious little one like her.
Hugs!!
Christy :)
Beautiful, just beautiful.
What a perfect devotional...and meaningful post.
Lovely. So full of love.
Heartfelt and beautiful..
Very thoughtful post. Thanks for sharing it.
How beautiful and heartfelt.
Terri
You are right.
Jen's birthmom will likely never stop waiting for something she will probably never see.
What a sweet compassionate heart!!! It is those concerns that will prepare you for when your little one has so many questions. We pray for our daughter's birthmother every day, and we hope that brings her comfort.
Terrye in FL
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