03 June 2008

Tuesday, June 03, 2008 - ,, 11 comments

Reality Check

While it has been two weeks since we lost Molly, it feels as though it was yesterday. It seems that time has stopped, literally stopped. The days are very long and sometimes very hard to walk through. As much as I have tried to clean up from Molly's last week with us, I can't get rid of the stains, the blanket we had her wrapped in when she passed, her bowl, the meds, her collar, her many tennis balls. The blanket has already been cleaned with tears that have fallen from our eyes, but I've been told in so many words..."never wash this, never". We all take turns wrapping ourselves in it when we need a few moments of Molly. The vet called today to let me know that her ashes have been returned to them and are ready for me to pick up. Okay. Really? I think I can pick them up sometime soon, maybe when I'm having a good day, but not today or maybe tomorrow either. Soon.

Ella has become a part of my body. I can not go anywhere without her next to my left calf. The bathroom is not off limits. If I don't leave the door open, she cries and scratches the door until I either am done or get up off the pot and let her in. She then curls up at my feet until I'm done, 5 seconds or 5 minutes. I'm also the only one she will let make/feed her food. Our entire life has changed in a matter of 14 days. We can not and I mean CAN NOT leave Ella alone for more than about 2 hours. She is a mess when we return. You can hear her just howling away inside when we pull up to the house. She has never howled before. And once we come in she is so wet under her chin, I wonder who gave her a bath. It takes her about an hour to "calm down". We have had many a sleepless night in the last 14 nights. She will wake up and just start crying away. Crying until one of us gets up and sits with her. While it is very reminiscent of having a newborn which gives me great joy, it is straining.

We are walking on the beach everyday now and going to the dog park in the afternoons and walking another 2 miles there. The dog park is new for us. We want to make sure to keep Ella around other dogs, but all she does at the park is sit as close to me on the bench as she can get. She has said hi to a few dogs, one in particular. Another springer. It was the saddest thing. Mike took Ella to get water and say hi to the other dog. Ella started wagging her tail immediately and ran up to the springer (who looked like Molly) she then sniffed the dogs face with great interest. (She has had NO interest in any dog that walks in front of her.) When she realized it wasn't her sissy she looked at Mike, that sad look was in her face. So while we are doing everything we can to keep her spirits up, it's a challenge. She is so lonely. And SO sad. It breaks my heart.

The last few weeks have been busy and full of new adventures, many of them with a dog in tow. I really am serious about finding out how to make her a service dog so I can take her into the movie theater with me or to the grocery. Can't I tell my doctor I'm in need of a furry pet to make me feel safe in public places?? She does great in the car waiting for me but unfortunately we live in the PE*TA capitol of the world. As soon as I shut the door, mind you my window are half down all four of them, I'm getting stares and comments. "Is there water in there?", "How long are you going to be?". COME ON FOLKS!! I'm walking up to the ATM!! Thank goodness school is out in 2 days and Ella and J can spend many a day together this summer.

While we have done very little outside the house or away from said pup, we did take a 2 hour 45 minute break and went to see SandTheCity. I “Abso-fucking-lutely” (as Doris put it)LOVED IT. Is it okay that I cried through the majority of it though? I'm not talking a lone tear, but get me a box of kleenex and some more mascara crying! I'm not sure if this is the normal reaction to this movie.

It is so beautiful here at the beach. Really beautiful. Although the fog comes in at some point, for the most point it has been in the mid to high 60's and clear as a bell. This makes me happy. Very happy. My roses are just starting to pop and that makes me even happier! Pictures to come, someday. As for now, I just watched the sun set outside my living room window and history is being made today on this our second week without our Molly. Another day done. And an exciting day in these United States of America.


Please email me at amyschristopher@comcast.net

We lost our Lucy the basset hound this weekend and I am beyond devastated. Perhaps we can encourage each other or just share our honest feelings. I honestly do not know how I am going to get over her. She is everywhere.

Your post is so beautiful and so sad. I wish I could help more or offer better words. Know that so many are here to listen and support you. Enjoy every moment.

Keep smilin!

My heart just aches for you guys! Poor Ella missing her Molly. Hope as time goes by, things will become better.



this post has my heart bleeding for you. But, I do know you have to go through this damn pain to get to the other side. The other side will be not the loss but the wonderful thoughts and sweet memories that you have of you wonderful companion, Molly!

This post is so well written. So full of love.

I really, really, hope I get the pleasure of meeting you someday. I look forward to your posts every day. Still needing to see a picture of that nursery!


I literally thank God every night for the little furry life at our foot of the bed named Bailey. I really cannot imagine the pain you are feeling. Please know I am thinking of you. One day at a time...

I can just imagine you at the beach and soaking it all in. Enjoy...enjoy the memories and the present memories being made.

Love ya girl!

I'm sorry you are still hurting. It takes so long to heal, and part of your heart will always be with Molly.

I haven't seen Se.x yet (never watched the show), but now I'm thinking I need to!

I'm so glad school is out soon and you can enjoy some time with Ella, healing time for the two of you.
You have been in my thoughts..

I had the same reaction to sandthe city...

Hugs, hon. Big-Huge-Ol-IGetIt Hugs. xo

Don't you wish they could just live as long as we do?

Just take each day as it is. At some point, you'll be on the other side of it. It's okay to feel the sadness. And don't feel guilty for expressing it here. There are many that understand it and are here to support you.

When I lost my first yellow Labbie, it took months for me to stop crying at the thought of her. But with time her memory just delights me, and I see so much of her in Buffy. I think that's why Buffy gets away with so much! Ha!

Take care, Friend. This is just one of those hard times in life that one must gently get through.