13 June 2008

Friday, June 13, 2008 - 7 comments

In a fog

As I sit here and write this I am surrounded by fog, dense, thick fog. It is outside my window and inside my head. It not only drives me crazy, it prevents me from accomplishing anything. It's hard for me to believe that summer is here. I have absolutely nothing to show for it and no energy to make stuff happen. When did summer creep up on me and why was I not prepared for it's arrival? In summer's of the past I would already be moving and going places, but not this year.

This year is different for some reason. It's okay, but then again it's not. Quite possibly because of recent life changes, we just forgot to plan, I don't know. My first summer as a SAHM, I had our calendars packed with dates, activities, camps, trips and plain fun. We were moving and grooving! This year I'm stuck in molassas and can barely move let alone plan anything. We've only got one camping trip booked and 2 others that I've got to book but keep putting off. I have no desire to do anything.

I think what is different this year is J's desire to do things differently than he has in past summers. This year he only wants to do one camp instead of 5, so now I'm not running around like a mad soccer mom. This year he also is spending 3 weeks with his dad and grandparents in LA. This I think is what has me so foggy. What the heck am I going to do for 3 weeks without my child?? The other change this summer is the fact that Holly will not be coming down. This is a first and it too is hard to deal with. We understand that she is now 16 and coming to visit her dad and step-mom is not her idea of fun. It still stings. It makes for a great change in the summer atmosphere here.

As I continue to look out into the summer fog that afflicts us here at the beach, I can see a little more clearly what the problem really is. Life is moving forward and yet we are not. We as in Mike and I. Our children are changing. They want to do different things than what we are used to wanting them to do. And once again Mike and I are at a stale mate with moving forward. Moving forward should include a baby. Yet here we are on summer number three. Waiting. Waiting and yet watching our teenagers change.

This weekend I am planning on clearing out my head and really working on making the most of this summer. But it is daunting to me. It feels like a junk drawer that I keep putting off cleaning because it's just too damn much. I'm determined though. My first step is to open the drawer.

7 comments:

One day at a time, girly. Surely this summer will hold some delicious surprises for you and Mike!

One day at a time is right..
Keep you chin up girly..
Have a Great Weekend...
HUGS...

Of all the different posts I have read about the impact of Waiting, I think this is one of the best. You really capture so well how it affects your life. Best wishes.

Yeah, it is scary to think that our children are moving forward and that doesn't always include us. As a matter of fact that scares the sh.t out of me. I probably get a little subtle element of that daily in my life. The reality is there but if it where any other way things would not be unfolding as they should.

Have a great weekend my friend who so elegantly but into words what I sometimes can't!

Lea
xo

that should say...PUT! Oh my word its too early!

Lea

I understand the "junk drawer" syndrome. :) I too, am trying to clear out mine. :)


Hope your enjoying your weekend!

Boy, do I get what you are saying! Let me know how you do at clearing your head. I try and try to clear mine, but the clutter seems to come right back. Why is that?! Summers are meant to be lighthearted and fun....there's got to be a way to shake this funk. Maybe it's just June gloom.

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